Playfulness and the Rhetorics of Meeting Women

Reams and reams of material have been produced focusing on the subject of picking up women for the purposes of mating with them. I've read a good sampling of this material, and most of it is mind-numbingly dumb and will never get anyone a sexual encounter with a female. The premise of it is the problem, that it is a game. One of the best books I've ever read about the pick-up culture is in fact called The Game, written by Neil Strauss. It's a good book that I recommend if one wants to get that insider look at these kinds of guys who see picking up women for sex as a kind of lifestyle.

Well, let's go ahead be really clear that treating women as objects to be manipulated to one's own selfish ends is immoral and wrong and ultimately self-defeating. When one dehumanizes other people he invariably dehumanizes himself.

That said, there is nothing wrong with wanting to meet women and eventually mate with them. In fact, it is the most normal and natural desire in the world, written into our very cores, into our repitillian brains. Women, female beauty, has for me served as a subject of fascination since I hit puberty, and it is sometimes breathtaking to me how much of my mental energy has been expended thinking about and desiring women

At its primary level, a man finds himself with a problem he is highly motivated to solve. He wants to mate with a woman but none of them are beating down his door. I'm talking about regular dudes like me. There does exist a class of men who do in fact get women to just show up at their doors with the desire to mate, guys who just naturally understand in their bones how to relate to women, and in the pick-up community they call these guys Chads. I am not a Chad. Most guys are not Chads. Most guys have to put forth quite a lot of effort to find a women who will mate with him. Chads do not need to read the rhetorics of pick-up because they already understand them in their bones. Everyone else will want to understand that the rhetorical core of picking up women is playfulness

Playfulness

Any time a woman meets a man, she places him into one of two categories: 1. I would mate with him. 2. I would not mate with him. She does this unconsciously, without thinking about it, so it isn't personal. If she has placed you in the non-mating category, there is nothing you can do. Now, I'm sure some guys have managed to move into the mateable category, don't get me wrong, but you've got have a lot of social exposure to that women so that she gets to see the complexities of your personality over time. I mean, Scarjo would eventually mate with a mutant like Danny DeVito if they were stranded on a desert island for a few months. In a situation in which you are out in public looking to meet a woman from nothing and get her phone number, consider these two categories set in stone. If you are in the non-mateable category, you will get no where.

So, how can you tell if you are in the mateable category? Playfulness. Does she smile a genuine smile? Is she amenable to small talk? Does she laugh at a goofy joke? Or, is she being nice just because she's a cashier and she has to be nice and the niceness is phoned in? If a woman is playful with you, you are probably in the mateable category, and then you have something to work with.

Here, crack a contexual joke, or tell her a goofy dad joke, perhaps. Laugh at your own joke. A really good, and I mean really good, rhetorical move here is a gentle neg. Pick-up guys have explored this one in a lot of detail, and I can verify it is a powerful rhetorical move. A neg is a gentle joke insult. It has to be gentle and humorous and never mean spirited. You have to do this quite quickly in the moment. Pick out something about her that you can pick on. Maybe her glasses are crooked on her face. Maybe her hair is kind of a mess. Something superficial and light like that. I shouldn't even have to tell you to never ever mention anything about her body or her weight. Say, could you not find your hairbrush this morning? Say, you know, I know a good optometrist who can fix those glasses.

She'll immediately smile and sort of unconsciously touch her hair or her glasses, and she'll give you back a response of some kind. "Yeah, I've been meaning to get these fixed." I'm bald, so maybe she says to me, "Well, at least I have hair to brush."

Negging her works because it is inherently playful. It conveys inner confidence. It is humanizing to her, like she's just another person you happened to run across and not some object you are putting up on a pedestal.

Any sort of playful response from her you should take as a cue to declare that you want her phone number. Right then, there, without a second thought, declare it. "I'm kind of in a hurry. Give me your number and I'll holler at you later."

Live to Fight Another Day

Notice that I said declare that you want her number. Do not ask her for it. That gives her an easy response because she can just say no. If she is going to say no, declaring that you want her number makes her have to articulate that in a sentence, even if it something like, "I'm not comfortable giving out my number to strangers."

Say, "Yeah, I don't blame you, people are nuts, but you seem like a lot of fun so I had to go out on a limb." Or, "You saw right through my evil plan, didn't you?" Understand, if she doesn't offer it right up, you are probably not going to get it. Using this rhetorical technique gives you one last shot to come off as playful, and here and there you'll knock over a fence-sitter to your side of things. If it doesn't work, you're not dejected. You're playful.

This response used to give me a hard time, and it is the most common response, "Well, I can't because I have a boyfriend," or, "Well, I can't because I am married."

Say, "I figured you'd have a ball and chain. No way a girl as fun as you seem to be is single." Be playful and take this as a polite no. Here's what I have learned: Even if a woman is in some way attached, if she likes you, she will still give you her number. So, she will only mention a significant other to give you a polite no, and a no, polite or otherwise, is a smile and walk-away. Any other response to this no will make you look desperate and it will end the playful vibe.

Notice I always call her fun. Never pretty. Never sexy. Never compliment her appearance. That's far too serious, tells her you've thought about it. No. This is light and easygoing. She is fun. You are playful.

At this point, you have done all you can do. Either she gives it to you or she doesn't. If she wants you to have it, she will do the work, and I've found this to be the case every single time. Pick-up books will tell you to have a pen and paper at the ready in your pocket. Yes, maybe a pen, but not paper, unless it is a receipt you just happen to have in your pocket or something extemporaneous like that. It is pretty normal to have a pen in your pocket, but a little black pick-up book immediately kills the playfulness vibe. If she wants you to have her number, though, she'll find a pen and paper of her own accord. I've seen this myself a dozen times.

I cannot emphasize this enough: Once you've asked, and she refused, walk away like it is nothing to you. Consider yourself in the non-mateable category after all, and there's nothing you can do by further engaging with her other than end up looking like a desperate loser. Move on to the next one. Most pick-up literature is really good about emphasizing that on the front end. If you are not a Chad, pick-up and finding a woman who will mate with you is a numbers game. It is statistics. The more women you approach, the higher your chances, so if you are not able to handle rejection as if it is nothing, that's the first skill to master. Look at rejections as necessary steps toward success. If she says no, move on to the next one.

If she won't give you her number at this point, smile and walk away. You are done. Move on to the next one. If she is a cashier, for instance, she may well give it to you next time you are in there, but never again ask her for it. This is absolutely nothing to you. Small talk her. Be playful. But never again ask her for her number. It was her loss. I'm speaking from experience here. I once failed to get a woman's number just like this, only to have to her slip it to me a week later.

If you ask her for it again, and she rejects you again, you will regret it. The thing is, by refusing to humble yourself again, you don't realize it, but you are internalizing a successful attitude about women. There are straight up billions of them. They aren't rare like sapphires or four-leaf clovers. Women are everywhere. You can't spit out of a car window without hitting one. Ironically, once you have internalized an easy-come, easy-go philosophy you will find greater success, but that cannot be the goal. The goal is to be light and playful when it comes to women, and eventually you wake up one morning and you just are light and playful without even giving it a second thought. You are still not a Chad, but you are more Chad-like than ever. That is exactly where you want to be.